Healing; getting back to being ALIVE

So things still aren’t perfect. There are still things that bother me and upset me. But I’m trying to move on. I’m tired of thinking about and talking about the dark sides of life. I’ve been spending too much time on that, and I haven’t been spending enough time on actually being alive. I’m finding I just need to let go of those things that are bothering me. Holding onto them has just been pulling me down. I think that is how evil gets us. It uses our own stubbornness and pride against us. We just need to let go of it, move on, and look at all of the good in this life, even if only as tiny as a butterfly. This is where I think healing happens: letting go of the dark, and focusing in on even the smallest bit of light.

Today was a national holiday in Malawi for a Malawian man named John Chilembwe who fought against the British rule. He was the first person to stand up against the evil rule controlling Malawi to fight for freedom, and he sounds like he was a pretty sweet dude. In honor of him, there was no work or school today, so our volunteer community decided to go to the lake for the day. Though things in my community aren’t exactly smooth, and there are still some things that I’m struggling to deal with, it proved to be a very good day.

When we arrived to the lake, there were about 30-40 Malawians, mostly children and mothers on the area of the beach we went to. I was excited about this because I still need some space between myself and some of my community members; all these other people gave me lots of opportunity to interact with someone other than the five people in my house.

On my way into the water, I greeted one of the boys who was by himself and looked a little bit older, maybe about 10 or so. After diving in, I came back out of the water to grab one of the balls we brought. I asked the 10 year-old boy if he would like to play with me. His face lit up with a magnificent smile, and almost instantly he started walking towards the water with his hands in a ready position for my throw. We tossed it back and forth 20 times or so, and I noticed about five or six more boys swimming their way over to us. I asked Anuswe if his friends wanted to play; they did. For the next hour or so, we played various forms of catch, from throwing the ball back and forth, with me saying each of their names so that I could learn them, to trying to hit the ball up in the air like a volleyball set from one person to the next to see how many people could hit the ball up before we lost control of it; i-t w-a-s a b-l-a-s-t! Eventually, without the energy of a 10 year-old, I started to get a little tired. I backed off a bit and let them all play with the ball. Then, wanting to add something new into the fun, I found Anuswe and asked him if he knew how to do a flip out of the water. Though he nodded his head with affirmation, I wasn’t sure he knew what I was talking about. I tried to speak clear English and explain to him to put his feet in my hands and then, on the count of three, I would throw him up into the air to do a back flip. He got in the ready position, and I counted: O-n-e….t-w-oo-oo-oo….THREE! Anuswe went flying up into the air, almost instinctively doing a perfect backflip landing his feet straight down in the water. I’m pretty sure the huge grin on my face was only half as big as the beaming smile that blasted from Anuswe’s face as he emerged from the water. For the next half hour, I flipped Anuswe and all of his friends to their hearts’ delight.

Though it was nothing really that grand or special, or deep, or profound, playing with those boys was positive, and it was happy, and it was joyful. It was very simple, and it was very good. It helped me to appreciate the simple wonder of this life we live, something I have been neglecting far too much for far too long. I felt alive today, and it was good.